last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
