Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
