he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
