I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
