Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
