Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
