its not stalking. its research.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
