umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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