More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
