Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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