I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
