dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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