I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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