If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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