Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
