Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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