I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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