If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
