a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
