I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize