Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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