somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
