I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
