We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
