I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
