You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
