i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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