stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
