i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
