why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
