Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
