is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
