i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
