Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bring me that man meat
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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