5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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