First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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