i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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