we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
