I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
