How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
