the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Randomize
