We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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