I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize