please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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