we have officially lost it.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
