The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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