Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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