Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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