Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
