Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
