what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
