4 words: hood of his car
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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