You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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