As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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