I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
