what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
