peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
