I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
