yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
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i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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