Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
MIDGETS
????
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
