you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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