I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
