Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it because I queefed?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
